This is what I do – This is what I did – This is how I walk Spanish – And there really is an unemployment line

As you could probably tell from my last post (sorry it was soo long ago) my biggest fear in this modern day world, slightly below rape and war and hunger, was getting the ax from my job. Well, at 2:30pm on Thursday, October 16th it happened. I got laid off.


Now, let me say it again, so that the enormity of the situation can set in. I, along with 3 others, got laid off! I, along with 3 others, was given our last peanut of a paycheck and was told to hit the elevators. I, along with 3 others, was introduced to unemployment. Did you know that there really is a literal unemployment line and it is not just a ‘saying?’ Well, there is and it is filled with small Mexicans that are in the sunset of their lives.

Anywho – it sucks and like the characters from my friend Mandy’s favorite book, And Then We Came to the End, we all walked Spanish.

After it happened, I immediately went to my friend Catherine’s house, who also walked Spanish, for heavy drinking and cigarette smoking. What is interesting is you learn a lot about yourself during times like this. Hard times. Free-time is not so bad as long as you can fill it up with something. So, if any of you readers are about to get the boot from a job that never treated them well in the first place, take inspiration from me and the things I have learned:
1. Clark Dog is opened on Thursday nights at 3am
2. 10 for $10 vegi sale at the Jewel
3. I really love the show Mad Men
4. I really really love silver foxes and, if given the opportunity, would do naughty things to John Slattery. MMMMmmm
5. I hate the YMCA
6. I have yet to see the ghost of an immigrant child wondering my apartment, but I’m sure that it will happen soon – and no, I will not help them finish mending their trousers

Love, Peace and Pray for the millions of others that may not necessarily be Spanish, but are certainly walking it.

What would I do?

What would I do if the economy crashed even further and my bosses could no longer afford to pay my bills? What would I do if I bounced my next rent check and the grocery store trip I took last Friday was the last one I had money for? What if my friends could no longer afford their rent either? Would six of us have to live in my two-room studio, with no money to do laundry? Could we string laundry lines from our windows to our neighbors? Would the only growing business in a downward spiraling economy be the erupting laundry pin enterprises? What would I do if I no longer could afford toothpaste or soap or wax for my upper lip? What would I do if the government made me wear a newsboy hat and my fingernails had ink under them from trying to sell their propaganda for quarters on street corners? Would I learn to sing for change or tie tin cans to my shoes and do a little jig for a two-day-old loaf of bread? Would that jig eventually become so popular, bums and vagrants and gypsies would gather around fires in the moonlight and do the “two-day-old loaf of bread” jig? 100-years from now, would 8th graders recreate this dance for their American History class as reenactment projects? Would women get kicked out of the business world to make room for more men as they tried to “provide” for the women they have kept in small identical houses that have small identical children and bathe in small identical showers? Will MTV have to start playing music videos with no money for reality television show production? What will the consistency of our toilet paper begin to be? Will I have to give up my quilted, four-layer ass swabs for two-ply and a chapped caboose?

What will you do?

The chick of the flock

Hello, friends.

So, I have picked up a second job to earn extra cash for summatime funness. I did this because sometimes I don’t always have funds for fun in the summa. Get it? It’s a pretty sweet gig which entails me working at a salon for about 5 hours on Saturdays. I also filled in for a friend babysitting last night So, that is how I spent my Saturday – hung over, working at a salon and then babysitting. So today, I will sit in my bed for as long as I want!

Which brings me to the adventures of Friday night. I went to a good friends going away party – very sad. What should have been a fun party was turning into one of those awkward engagements. I didn’t really want to be there, I was hung over from the night before, had just started my period and everyone there was being very clicky – making it hard to just walk up to people and say “hi.”

Then, I was adopted by a flock of gay men. Around 3am, they kidnapped me and took me to a gay bar. I did the expected straight girl things, ie bought them a round of shots, danced, held their hands and flirted. Then, around 4:30, I decided it was time to get out of there.

It is sort of eerie, but at the same time peaceful, walking through the city at that time of night. Of course, I stopped at Clark Dog and fell asleep just in time to wake up to go to my second job. Whoo.

My new hood

Hmmmm. So much time has gone on. So much time has passed. Life has changed in a lot of really little ways. But who cares about that? The thing that I am realizing, as I become more and more comfortable in my twenty-something skin, is that it never stops – changing, that is. As a kid, you always think of “adulthood” as a destination. Like a trip that everyone has to take – one that you can never return from. The constant evolution is very intriguing to me. Not all adults are smart or good or have aged wisely. There is a choice to be made everyday. Will I be the person I want to be? Will I be good? Not just on the personal, do you really need that Chipotle way, but on the “goodness of mankind” level. Will I changes lives today?

The thing is, it is hard.

I don’t know what I expected – a parade or possibly a party to welcome me into my new “hood.” It didn’t happen. As an adult, you throw your own parties and, at mine, there will be dancing!

The ‘90s were great! Do you believe in life after love?

Well, I’m on my second glass of wine and watching "Brothers and Sisters" - the crappy, but o’ so addictive show on ABC, and one of the characters is singing Cher. Typical and annoying primetime, right? Well, no. I’m sort of getting the Cher tune "Believe" for the first time. Actually, that’s not true. It was the other day when my intern approached my desk for her usual 3:45pm convo at work. She started going on about how "Will and Grace" was her favorite show. And I was like, WHOA – is it 1998? Then she corrected me by saying, “No. It’s w-h-h-o-o-o-a, like awesome” and busted into laughter. See friends, apparently the night before, the historic 2000 episode when Cher and Jack run into eachother at a café was on. And it changed my interns world. So, I started thinking about that song (Believe) and really listened to the words. The last time I had even thought of the song was when I was 16 and rocking out to it in my ’88 Toyota corolla station wagon – gray. And I’ve always thought the words were, “do you believe in life after love? I can feel something inside me say I really don’t think I’m strong enough. W-h-o-o-a.” BUT – ALERT - THOSE AREN’T THE WORDS. She is being a huge bitch in the song and it is awesome. Strong woman. Point being, all of my readers (the one, Jessica) should go back and listen to that song. It’s amazing. She is amazing. And perfect for dancing alone to it with my third glass. FIN.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usmZr9hZZPc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1NC8jguBwb4

Tonight I will unapologetically drink red wine

Tonight, I will unapologetically, drink red wine,
I will drink until it has become unfashionable and I have become one of those girls’ I never wanted to be, with red teeth, big hips and round thighs.
Tonight I will not fret about the work left undone on my desk or how I will impossibly finish it before deadline tomorrow.
Tonight I will toast the fact that I made it—to Thursday.
Tonight I will watch trashy tv and not relive the hardships I’ve faced.
I will drink until I don’t remember the other commitments to charities and groups and varsity staff I preemptively made.
Tonight, I will not be the girl in an entry-level position and a smile on my face.
I will not be the girl that tries to give it her all
I will not be the girl that tries to attend 6am kickboxing class or that thinks about how long it has been since her last date.
I will not recall, plan or dwell on my dreams and aspirations.
For tonight, I will unapologetically, drink red wine.

It's no George Brett, but it works.

This is a tribute to my old dreams. The copy reads: As I was sitting at the beautiful mahogany bar of my favorite Irish pub while mourning the death of Al Lewis, or Grandpa Monster of the hit TV series the Monster’s, a leprechaun approached me. He said he was looking for love, but he would take anything he could get. I didn’t know what to say, but then I remembered I had a pack of Top Ramen Noodles in my purse (in case I wanted a quick and easy snack). The leprechaun graciously accepted and prepared them. He found them so delicious and fresh that he not only gave me his pot of gold, but got me a signed photograph of St. Patrick.