It all started when I found myself sitting at the plastic covered kitchen table of a severely racist 80-year-old Indian psychic last Saturday. She was reading my taros and every other card kept telling her I was a “sad and lonely girl” because of the current state I am living in. That state is called single. The even cards were telling her that I have an ‘attitude’ problem and snubbed my nose at most men, never thinking they were good enough. She was very confused about this one, even getting angry at me because the cards told her I was stuck-up! She got so angry she pointed at my lady places and was like, ‘hey, what you think? Those are made of gold!?’ I’m not quite sure how she read I was sad or lonely or ill mannered or had gelded reproductive areas out of a picture on a card that, to me, looked like an ice skating joker juggling gold plates while trees grew out of his rear.
She kept repeating, in her heavy Indian accent, “You are a sad and lonely girl. Come on. Tell the truth.” As I shook my head back and forth so frequently I looked like I was auditioning for a shampoo commercial, I thought, “No, I’m really not unhappy or lonely. Almost never. Almost never ever!”
She didn’t believe me.
Sure, there are times that I want to hold hands with someone while walking down the street. There are nights I wakeup and wish I had someone to cuddle with. Sometimes I get drunk and want to make-out. But that does not make me lonely or unhappy, does it?
I have friends. I have loads of friends and a very active social calendar. I love running and reading to children and going to cocktail parties that benefit cancer/aids/etc. research. I like reading about obscure topics just so I can bring it up at dinner parties. I like to laugh and dance and sing while wandering the neighborhoods with friends. I am not an unhappy person. So, then why, at 24, does single = unhappy/lonely/sad?
And what is so great about being in a serious relationship at my age anyway? I have two friends that are in very serious relationships with their respective male partners, one is married and the other live together. They just may be the two unhappiest friends I have. And, like I said before, I have a lot of friends. (whoop, whoop!)
The married lady has two focuses - work and, well, being married. That would be wonderful if that was all she needed, longed for, etc., marriage and work, but all she really does is complain. She has no hobbies or interest outside of these two universes. And, I worry about her for this reason. While she has had a fairly successful career in her early twenties and her husband is very kind and sweet, what else is there for her? What gets her excited? What makes her laugh so hard she feels like she is going to barf? What makes her sing and smile and dance? Did she know before the marriage?
My other friend lives with her boyfriend in a new city. New for her, not for him. She is miserable. They fight. They scream. They drink. They Makeup. Rinse. Repeat. She also, like the married one, has no hobbies outside of the relationship and work. None. I also worry about her. And she has such a wonderful opportunity to explore and pickup new hobbies in her new city.
At 24, do people forget how to acquire new interest and passions? When in a relationship, do you forget? How does this happen?
And also, because one of these two girls may potentially read this post, they are not unhappy in their relationships. They are not even horribly unhappy at their jobs. They are just sort of unhappy with the vanilla.
When I was in college, I came across this quote while reading The Feminine Mystique, and I thought it was so beautiful and wise and meaningful, but most of all, I thought it just encompassed an incredible truth.
“The fact remains that the girl who wastes—as waste she does—her college years without acquiring serious interests, and wastes her early job years marking time until she finds a man, gambles with the possibilities for an identity of her own, as well as the possibilities for sexual fulfillment and wholly affirmed motherhood.
-Betty Friedan
Now, I’m not saying that my friends will always be unhappy, God, I pray they are not, but why are we always labeled as the ‘sad single girl’ no matter how happy we are?
Just like Gloria Steinem, Annie Edson Taylor, Murphy Brown and all the other great feminists before me, I will stay strong, acquiring interest, continuing to learn and laugh and play. I refuse to let the worlds’ ‘single stigma’ hurt me. And, if love does come along for me, that just means one more person to dance with, and that is how my story will end.
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