13 Days and Vampires

HELLO!

It's been a while. How are you?

So, just now. Literally mere seconds ago, I stepped out of a cab, past the beating drums of the Blue Man Group theater, including some growling homeless men, waved to my neighbors and walked happily into my beautiful, luxury 2-room studio apartment. I have finished working my 13th consecutive day - 5 days in the office, the salon, the zoo, 5 more days in the office, the salon again and babysitting. I'm not any closer to purchasing a bike, though, given the opportunity, I'm not so sure I wouldn't just take one that didn't belong to me.

No I wouldn't.

Yes I would.

No. No. Yes. No.

What? Wait? What. no.

I have been working so much, have become so tired and anti-social, that I have been living almost completely within my own head. Having conversations aloud (and alone) with myself about everything from my thoughts on the books I'm reading to how I feel about the institution of marriage. I suppose it is at this time I also should admit my current most shameful secret - my secret shame. Hello, my name is Lauren and I am reading the Twilight series. Hello, my name is Lauren and I like the Twilight series - a lot. Hello, my name is Lauren and I thirst for the Twilight series, books written for middle-school girls awaiting their first periods, the same way Edward thirsts for Bella's blood, but without the same willpower to deny myself the poorly written, melodramatic mythical romance of it all. Hello, my name is Lauren and I am deeply embarrassed by my recent behavior.

Last Saturday, I went to this great little independently owned book shop (sorry, Walton's) down the street from my apartment to find New Moon - the second book in the 4-part series. I struggled to locate it in the store and as I roamed the isles, my eyes glazing over titles and authors, I grew ever more nervous knowing I would have to ask the owners for assistance. Could I say I was purchasing it for my little sister? Was it a gift? Am I a middle school teacher that just wants to know what 'all the kids are gabbing on about?' No. That wouldn't work. This was my addiction and I needed to be honest - to come clean. Plus, I hadn't spoken to anyone outside my place(s) of work for weeks. I needed to admit this to someone. I needed to say it aloud. I had to tell the truth.

As I approached the counter, my face blushing as I forced myself to look the attendant in the eyes...

'Can I help you?'

'Yeah. Um. Well. Um. New Moon.' I mumbled.

With a slight laugh, 'Right behind you.'

'Oh.' - 'I don't see it,' I said as my face turned Cheez-It box red and my hands and upper lip began to sweat.

'On the floor. The bottom shelf.'

'Oh, thanks. I'm just a little embarrassed.'

'Yeah, It seems that way. And we will need your name and contact information to add to the list of girls that are quite obviously too old to be reading these books.'

'I'm going to puke.' I said to myself as my face turned white - I think it did. I felt like it did. I didn't have a mirror. Bella's probably would have.

'We publish that list on our web site, craigslist and also send copies to the RedEye and the Reader. That will be $11.20. And I'm joking.'

'Hehe,' I managed as I handed him my bike money.

'Romance starved 20-somethings buying this crap keep us in business. Enjoy your takeout and vampires.'

'Thanks. How did you know I ordered Thai for din....'

Needless to say, I ordered Eclipse and Breaking Dawn from Amazon.

So, essentially, what I'm saying is this. I might be going crazy. I've been working non-stop and when I haven't been working, I've been locked in my castle reading about vampire love, the recent rainy weather convincing me I'm actually in Forks, Washington (the setting of the books).

The worst of it is, is that I think the main characters are awful. Edward is a child molesting control freak and Bella needs to get a grip and stop puking and passing out all over the place. If she can't stand the sight of blood as a human, chances are, she's going to suck at being a vampire (no pun intended and I haven't finished the last two books). But I can't stop. Errrr.

If you're reading this, you might want to call and check on me. If it wasn't for cold Britta-filtered water and Paul Simon, I would surely try and become a vampire myself.





PS - don't you think Paul looks like what Jane would look like?